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Not Dead Yet – Part 1

September 10, 2009

We finally had our regroup with Dr. BloSunMyCha. The meeting started with, “how can I help you?” Uhhh, did you even look at my Day 2 results from back in June? Do you remember my name?

I know now why I waited almost three months to have our regroup. I knew that the news was not going to be good with my test results, but I wasn’t quite prepared for the gloom and doom talk we got. It was the “almost donor egg” speech, but we are allowed to do IVF again with my eggs, with some conditions. It’s the conditions I have a hard time with. I will save that for another post.

Let’s review my test results from back on June 18th. The ideal will be in parentheses next to my test results.

FSH 15.4 (less than 10)
LH 5.9 (less than FSH)
Estrogen 85.5 (less than 50)
AMH 0.2(>1.0)
Resting follicle count 2 (>10)

The number that bothers me the most is the last number, my resting follicle count. All the numbers were “abnormal” except for the LH. I know that I would not have done IVF that cycle, but Dr. BloSunMyCha is in the camp of doctors that believes you are only as good as your worst FSH. He does not believe my egg quality will get any better. I think that is BS, but the resting follicle count AND the weird symptoms I have been getting the last few months worry me. Dr. BloSunMyCha gave me a less than 5% chance of getting pregnant with IVF. Ugh.

I’m at a point that I really do not know what to do. I asked if I could do my Day 3 testing again for my peace of mind. I want to know if anything I have been doing in the last three months has been making a difference. He warned me that if my FSH goes to 20 or higher, he will not let us do IVF with my own eggs. At that point, I won’t want to either. Up to this point, Magic has been adamant that I use my own eggs. I asked him after our appointment, “what will you let me do?” I can’t imagine not having children. I can’t imagine leaving our spirit baby out there.

I was a little upset after our regroup, but honestly, I had already done much of this grieving and I had to go to work. I had a big project I was working on for today and a big grant application due Friday. It would have to wait until after work until I could get back to processing all this.

10 Comments leave one →
  1. Jill M. permalink
    September 10, 2009 2:07 pm

    Ugh, darn numbers! Would dh let you do DE after trying one more time with your own eggs? I hope everything works out for you Phoebe!!! Hugs

  2. The Muser (aka Beautiful Mama) permalink
    September 10, 2009 2:26 pm

    Wow. That sounds like so much to have to process and sift through. I so wish it had been better news. Sending love your way.

  3. Infertile In the City permalink
    September 10, 2009 2:31 pm

    Getting the "you may need an egg donor talk" is hard really really freaking hard. No one wants any part of them taken out of the equation, wether that is the eggs or the uterus,but if you decdie to go down these roads, a grievin must take place (and ye know what now I'm even relieved to take my uterus out of the equation). If this cycle does not result in a baby, I will be voting my ovaries off the island too – I am so done making eggs, my body just doesn't have it in me anymore.

    So – if you can, if your next day 3 results are good why not give IVF with your ovaries a shot – 5% is better than 0%.
    Hugs to you today.

  4. DAVs permalink
    September 10, 2009 2:44 pm

    Oh Phoebe. I'm sorry Dr. BlowSunshine wasn't really blowing sunshine. Geez. I hate when they give percentage of things working. Frankly, I think they're just guesses and I've seen them be way off for a lot of people. For instance, me. So try not to put too much stock in the numbers.
    Can you get a recheck of your day 3 numbers at another lab, ordered by a local doc? That way you can just process the information on your own without big shot clinic getting involved? I dunno. NOT that I think your FSH is going to go higher, I'm just tossing that out there.
    Thinking of you and wishing this was all just a hell of a lot easier.

  5. Mad Hatter permalink
    September 10, 2009 8:43 pm

    Oh, dear yin sister…I'm sorry it didn't go as you'd hoped. Have you had a chance to talk about these numbers with your acupuncturist? I find that very helpful, if only for perspective. I'm sorry that the DHEA hasn't been the answer for you, but perhaps what you've been taking is just what you need for a yin deficiency – how long have you been on it? A lot can change in 3 months. Are you going to do another Day 3 check? I think that's a really good idea, and I am sending lots of positive energy your way for IVF-friendly results.

  6. Sweet Georgia permalink
    September 11, 2009 7:13 am

    ARgh! That just plain sucks. It also burns my butt when the doctors talk about high FSH and poor quality eggs. They don't KNOW that. FSH has more to do with quantity than quality.

    Sending you hugs. I know that the decisions that you have to make now are difficult ones.

  7. geeksinrome permalink
    September 11, 2009 8:53 am

    what an downer appointment. it's sad that docs are so focused on charts and numbers; i think they need more guts to toss hell to the wind and take a chance.

    5% is better than 0 — and lots of people have beaten bad odds with everything from cancer to horse racing! I hope he lets you go for it!!

  8. kayjay permalink
    September 11, 2009 2:21 pm

    Don't let the doctor tell you contrary to what you believe in your heart. Those stats are meant to be doom and gloom and they are just guessing. Yes, guessing. When others in my age group were being quoted success rates of 85%, he was telling me that I had a 25% or LOWER of being successful. I agree with the other girls too – 5% is still a chance and he is always doom and gloom so it's probably higher than that but again, he is just guessing. I also received the donor egg speech from three separate doctors before going to the big shot clinic and it's hard every time to hear it. I'm sorry this is so hard…hugs.

  9. Lost in Space permalink
    September 11, 2009 11:14 pm

    Crap, that appointment didn't start well with him not fully knowing who you were and it didn't end well with all the unknowns and numbers BS.

    I always admire your spirit and determination, Phoebe. Follow your heart and I know you will get your spirit baby here. I just wish it wasn't so freaking hard.

    Many hugs, my dear.

  10. IF Optimist, then... permalink
    September 12, 2009 12:42 pm

    What a frustrating and difficult day it must have been. I am so sorry you had to endure any of it. I think that you are right to get another Day 2/3 baseline appointment to help you make your own decision.

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