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Who Am I Kidding?

December 5, 2008

ICLW kicked my ass. I wasn’t quite prepared for all the pregnancy announcements and joyous postings about babies. Nevertheless, I made some new friends who I will be stalking from now on, so I guess it was worth it!

In the meanwhile, I took my baby holding adventure on T-day and kid playing the rest of the weekend as good news. My niece even called me a “child magnet”. Apparently I am the “pregnant woman magnet” as well. One of the formerly pregnant women came back to work this week, and I avoided all the hallway twitter. Yet the newest female co-worker who announced her pregnancy at a division staff meeting chose to sit next to me. I didn’t even say boo about her announcement, so I’m not sure why she chose to sit next to the least chummy person in the room. I just go into avoidance mode/deer-in-the-headlights-mode/not-going-there-mode. As much as I appreciate my life as it is right now sans bebe, I still get that gut wrenching heartache when someone announces their pregnancy or gushes about their children. I’m all Zen one moment and devastated the next. Seriously, who am I kidding?

10 Comments leave one →
  1. WiseGuy permalink
    December 6, 2008 3:36 am

    The Zen-ity really does not last. Trust me on that!

  2. Lost in Space permalink
    December 6, 2008 7:05 pm

    Hugs, Phoebe. This shit is just hard and it’s okay to not want to go there all the time. Live in the strong moments when you can, but don’t be hard on yourself for the tough ones. You can’t expect to be a superhero everyday.

  3. Mo and Will permalink
    December 6, 2008 8:11 pm

    Phoebe,Your reactions sound perfectly normal to me – and very familiar. It’s just plain tough to be surrounded by pregnant women (in cyberspace or in real life). Try to just let yourself grieve and feel what your feeling, be it zen or devastated or somewhere in between.Hang in there. Thanks for stopping by earlier.

  4. geeksinrome permalink
    December 8, 2008 6:21 am

    The bump gushing is just way beyond control. Even post infertile i cannot stand the “Look everybody, I’m a princess” attitude or expectations that swirl around some pregnant people. During infertility I just wanted to wring those people’s necks. It not be Zen, you be saint for keeping your calm during those really trying times!!

  5. loribeth permalink
    December 8, 2008 10:44 am

    I still go back & forth between Zen & devastation. And I never know exactly what it's going to be until I'm in the middle of it.

  6. Pepper permalink
    December 8, 2008 2:43 pm

    Maybe not kidding anyone as much as coping the best you can. Nothing wrong with that.

  7. Melanie permalink
    December 8, 2008 3:41 pm

    You sound like you’re handling it pretty darn well to me. I mean, you didn’t stab the pregnant woman, did you? No. You didn’t ask her if she had thyroid issues because her mid section was so distended, did you? Nope. And I’m sure you didn’t ask her if she wanted to kick back some Jim Bean. No you did not, which means you are the woman!

  8. The Muser (aka Beautiful Mama) permalink
    December 8, 2008 3:49 pm

    So sorry, Phoebe. That just is HARD. Love and peace…

  9. December 9, 2008 12:48 am

    Shazam.Your sister in pregnancy avoidance despite desire to be all centred, gracious and she-who-has-her-shit-together about it.B

  10. WiseGuy permalink
    December 10, 2008 10:17 pm

    Thx for stopping by my blog!

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