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"Don’t Pass No Plastic"

September 25, 2008

This was the advise given to me by my eccentric red-haired Calculus professor as I was going out into the world after graduating from college, “don’t pass no plastic”. His intention was “don’t be fake”, but I’m passing a lot of plastic these days. Looks like credit cards are going to temporarily bail me out of my financial crisis for now. Which means any FET is on hold until January at the earliest. This makes me nervous, because if that doesn’t work, I’ll be doing another fresh cycle at 42. I think my eggs are up for it, but I don’t know if I am. I pumped myself full of A LOT of drugs last time, to the amazement of Magic. I don’t even like taking ibuprofen, let alone doing four shots a day. I’m not excited about being a science experiment again.

First and foremost, I need to heal from the trauma. I was unexpectedly triggered again yesterday during my recent enlightenment training. Afterwards, I got out my iPod and listened to my Brainspotting recordings. I got some dirty looks from people in the enlightenment training, but I needed to calm down my nervous system. When I get a moment, I’ll write more about Brainspotting and how it’s used for trauma therapy (or you can click on the link). It’s one of those weeks that I need about two more days in this week that I’m not going to get.

Thank you all for your supportive comments after my last freaked out post. It meant a lot to me.

One Comment leave one →
  1. geeksinrome permalink
    September 26, 2008 5:57 am

    take it one day at a time. it’s impossible to know now how you’ll be feeling next year, so focus on where you are now and what you need to do to heal and come to terms with everything. you have a HUGE plate of stuff to deal with so try not to think about whether you’ll be up for treatments later. solidify your foundation now because you’ll need it for the rest of your life, not just to withstand fertility treatments. I know you already know all this, but sometimes thinking too far ahead, even if it’s only a few months away, can just freak you out more. peel away what isn’t here and now and focus on the core stuff (which can be scary.) just so you know you have people who are here when things do get scary!!!

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